Dr Murthy
Her skin has these loose patches, her eyes are deep, and she would hold your hand sometimes for support, and more so than supporting her, you would feel like being supported by her. She would not accept your help unless it is essential. Once, I got a message that she had fallen again, and when I went there, I found her, trying to hide her injury behind her calm smile, and drinking her usual tea. And I just found a set family, two of her neighbors who were there for her just like her own family. Just bound by this care these two had for her with their worried parent’s eyes, and our Auntie there, calming sipping her tea from the pretty table, prettier with the newly spread tablecloth, and pretending to be like a naïve kiddo, who has no idea what’s going on. These guys always had the most amazing dynamics, celebrating birthdays together, learning how to cook, and sharing meals, recipes, and festivals.
Auntie reminded me so much of one of my grand aunts, she would just make me eat all the food she had, pack some for home, have tea, should I cook something else, and it all just went on. The first time I met her, she seemed so well organized, she tried to be, but of course, age seemed to take over, most of the time. She has this chair, with a golden light border, almost creamy, and she would just sit there, she liked it, mostly out of convenience of being able to get out of the chair.
Once I asked her, why does she like New York, she just said, she loved New York and has no idea why?! But that is home! She never leaves things to be done for tomorrow, and this made me realize each day, not just keep feelings, things, and everything I wanted to do, for tomorrow, there might not be that many left for either one of us. She taught me to be accepting of my thoughts, and my feelings and say them out loud.
I just get life goals, to be that kind and thoughtful. She had met me once before, and when she was once going through her things, she found a set of postcards from the I-house, and she remembered me. (BTW she has lived at I-house during her postdoctoral days)! She did not yet remember my name, but the context, and that I live at I-house :). We just talk, and whenever I leave, I feel this weird sense of guilt like I used to feel when I would stop spending time with grandma at home. I missed working from home, just taking a break and listening to my grandma share her best advice. And meeting Auntie was like a break from everything in grad school where deadlines mattered the most. There was another person, who would tell me to study well, but the important thing was will I have tea or eat food. My favorite lines about her are, I like young people, they are good company, but they are pretty stupid and inefficient.
And we just celebrated her 101 birthday :)!!
It was around 10 Dec, in between exams, when everyone was rushing to complete those final deadlines, their papers, everyone was highly stressed, with three/four submissions, a few of the exams the following week, an MRI scan visit with a friend about a possible tumor, strained friendships, and random bonds and not anywhere the correct headspace. A semester of trying to sleep, eat food and get through deadlines. Everyone was pretty much exhausted. Being there for themselves was a task in itself. And through that semester, specifically through this day, there was a visit to the temple nearby in Flushing to celebrate Auntie’s 101 birthday or as she prefers to be called Dr Murty. She would be turning 101, and I know a good way would be to deal with everything going wrong in my life, but sometimes, a break, an escape is all you need. I just took that whole day off, off everything, and went to visit the temple with her and two of her neighbors. Two really sweet kind souls or as I usually call them, like parents :)!! They take care of Auntie like she is their elder, no connections, just neighbors and a shared bond!
We four drove to the temple, and Auntie was visiting/going out after so long, she just kept on staring outside, looking at the changing landscape, like a kiddo person. She completed all the rituals, we had the Masala Dosa, and there was Ganesha, my Ganesha, she prayed for all of us, told her story of the temple being built for another time and we all listened so intently. The temple had a familiar vibe, a vibe I had known for years, my eyes just closed automatically, and I was at peace, and I was happy, calmer, and stronger. We went to a nearby shop, and it was after a couple of years that Auntie was shopping for herself, on her own, and she was so excited. And after we finished shopping, the kind shop owner did not accept the payment, he was like, happy birthday to you, from my side!! It was so weird, not normal, for him to be generous and nice, for no reason, just this common good we have shared.
When we came back home, it was after so long since I had met her, that Auntie hugged us. There is always so much love, and blessing she has to share with us. She was like, you are not going home kid, you have to stay here. As Dr Murty always likes to recollect, she had worked, led a whole college to become more inclusive for women, creating a safe space for women to live and study, and trying to convince parents to send their children to the university, and it was decades ago, the university is still there, Sri Padmavathi Women’s Degree College, still there educating women. And there were so many messages, and calls, constantly that day from all around the world, someone even created a whole YouTube video for her. She was trying to read this news article on her small phone screen, and the font was too small, and it was in Telugu so I could not translate. I just put that article on her laptop, and she read it all line by line, she was so happy to hear all the wishes, so many messages left unread, and now she could read it all. A small thing, a big change in her life. Women are not allowed to touch feet while greeting elders, but whenever we go out, I just make sure to help her dress up and wear her shoes, and she lets me do it all. She would just sit there like a kid.
But I realized one thing when we video-called one of her former students, that is her why all along right? This is her ‘why’, giving back, trying to help just one another person and educating one more person. After a point when you have lived through life, through all these phases, what drives you to still be alive? What drives you to still live through, and it was a simple observation, it was this drive to help one another person. Once all the selfish goals are satisfied, what you can give back to the world is what matters. She makes tea for me every time I visit her. We have these pizza parties, and just yesterday, she cooked idlis for me. She always has so much advice about never giving up, studying hard, and growing into a better person, each day. And above all, I love how much belief she has in me; you will find a good job, you will do excellently in exams, you will find love, and bring your parents here to show them around. And the best line I remember was, I admire you for the good work you have been doing for your studies!
Just sometime back, I visited her and explained to her what Robotics is, and she was so proud of it, of me doing it all, knowing how to repair a few of the door handles to build these kiddo robots.
Just a set of google searches helped me find so much more about her -
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=gI0XEu1kNKE
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=haEYGb0WHlQ
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=w0GAXfBGF9g
The way she has and has been living her life just gives me life goals each day right there, to grow up to be that kind, generous, lovely, and strong!!